Rules for entering Iowa

Please, only read this if you have a sense of humor. If you don't, I wouldn't go any further. I once read something like this about people from PA. Made me laugh - thought it would you too. Thanks Jeff Dunham for sending it. Tye out.

1. Pull up your droopy pants. You look like an idiot.
2. Let's get this straight; it's called a "gravel road." I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.
3. They are cattle & feed lots. That's what they smell like to you. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-80 goes east and west.
4. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $200,000 combines that are driven only 3 weeks a year ...
5. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.
6. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of pheasants are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.
7. Yeah, we eat catfish. You really want sushi & caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.
8. The "Opener" refers to the first day of pheasant/deer season.It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.
9. We open doors for women. That is applied to all women, regardless of age. We say Thank You, You're Welcome and God Bless, etc.
10. No, there's no "vegetarian special" on the menu. Order steak. Or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.
11. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats,vegetables and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and Picante Sauce.
12. You bring "coke" into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice. You bring "Mary Jane" into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.
13. The "Cyclones & Hawkeyes" Football/Baseball/Volleyball/Basketball/Track/Wresting/Softball are as important here as the Lakers and the Knicks -and a whole lot more fun to watch.
14. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards. It spooks the fish.
15. Colleges? Try Ames, Iowa City or a bunch a'others. They come outa there with an education plus a love for God and country, and they still wave at passing pickups when they come for the holidays.
16. So just Wave if you are a IOWAN............. :-)